Office Politics

Office Politics
A poem about having anxiety at work and being unfit for a job.

a new place, with new rhythms
I still have to figure out
smiling faces, how-you-doin's,
but what are you really about?

always returning your affirmations,
never straying from my work,
giving enthusiastic confirmations
to convince you of my worth

can't afford to not look busy,
staring intensely at my screen,
doing nothing that looks like something,
but I hope that you haven't seen

when I hear you walk behind me,
when I hear the doors go creak,
when I hear the sound of footsteps,
my hands tremble, I feel weak

my tongue twists around your jargon
that I thought I knew so well,
started smart but feeling dumb now,
and I hope you cannot tell

counting seconds till you move,
waiting while I hold my breath,
a passing glance will serve to prove
I am not among your best

I feel that I'm a lame imposter,
hanging on to pay my bills,
playing out an anxious charade,
living in this pressure kills

how much longer can I do this?
my ledger book demands to know,
I'll try containing all my fear
until at last you let me go